How Grief Blossoms into Tradition and Camaraderie for Mike Carroll and the Class of 1958
As gifts of condolences, love, and fond memories filled St. Anne of the Sunset Church to celebrate the life of Bob Drucker '58, the SI Class of 1958 was prepared with a beautiful offering to their late friend.
For more than a decade, Mike Carroll '58 has specially ordered custom wreaths to honor classmates who have passed away. With heavenly white roses framing a blue SI block outlined in red flowers, these arrangements boldly display the care that the class has for its alma mater and for each other.
Carroll, the 2011 Christ the King recipient, began providing wreaths in 2010, recognizing the true beginning of this tradition after his friend and classmate, John Meany '58, passed away in 2017.
Meany and Carroll spent their lives in each other's orbit — from attending St. Agnes grammar school to purchasing homes in San Carlos and sending their children to the same grammar school, unbeknownst to each other.
Knowing many of his classmates would attend Meany's funeral, Carroll ordered the wreath to honor the connection that brought all of these men together, thus starting a new tradition that commemorates life as the soul transitions.
"I felt this was something I wanted to do to show my love and support to my classmates," Carroll said.
For Carroll, St. Ignatius is home and the community is his family.
"You would have to know my background to understand why I feel the way I do about SI and my classmates. My mother and father were divorced when I was 3 years old, and my mother moved to San Diego with my sister and was out of my life. My father went into the Navy for several years and I ended up in a foster home in Palo Alto, then at a boarding school in Berkeley, and eventually ending up living with my grandmother, who was single and a tough woman, and was hard on me."
Carroll expected to enroll at Sacred Heart — his father had attended the school, both his parents were Irish, and he was born on St. Patrick's Day. It felt predetermined that he was destined to wear green, but his desire and love for community compelled him to take the SI entrance exam after all of his St. Agnes classmates revealed they would be attending the Jesuit institution on Stanyan Street.
He and the Class of 1958 had a wonderful time together, winning championships, developing deep friendships, and being mischievous in ways that made them grateful they missed the camera phone revolution. And while post-graduation life takes alums in many different ways, Carroll has made an effort to bring everyone back together every year at his annual St. Patrick's Day luncheon, another tradition that has strengthened the bonds between them.
Carroll recalled that five classmates came to the first luncheon in 1980 to eat at the Washington Square Bar and Grill, bar hop several Irish pubs, and enjoy each other's company. After having so much fun at the inaugural luncheon, Carroll extended the invitation to 10 classmates the next year. Following another wonderful outing, he made the decision to invite the entire class and 74 of them gathered, establishing a new custom that would take on a life and transform over the years as they did, too.
In addition to the social fulfillment, the Class of 1958 used the luncheon as an opportunity to raise money so future generations of Wildcats could have the chance to forge friendships and create memories as they did.
"So far, the Class of 1958 has funded three scholarships and also the Pat Malley Press Box," Carroll proudly shared. "At a lunch about seven years ago, I was talking about our scholarships, and I gave as an example a young boy I knew from church who had passed the entrance exam but whose parents couldn't afford the fees. A few days later, I heard from the school that a member of our class had anonymously donated the fees for the entire four years. That is the spirit of the Class of 1958."
For decades, these gatherings averaged between 55 and 65 classmates. Carroll recalled that around 2008, the numbers dropped to about 40 classmates as some started to pass away. He noted that a handful of wives had begun their own gathering, sharing a meal amongst themselves before meeting their husbands after the luncheon ended. As the men continued to pass away, the women's numbers grew to more than a dozen in what became an unexpected-but-welcome new community for wives and widows whose lives have become intertwined due to their husbands' love of SI.
About five years ago, Carroll transformed the luncheon once more. He invited all the classmates, their wives, and widows to share a meal together. He expects 44 friends to attend the upcoming gathering in March, 24 classmates and 20 significant others.
Carroll, who turns 85 this St. Patrick's Day, guesses he won't be hosting these luncheons much longer. He says they are getting harder as he is "slowing down like everyone else."
Still, the close relationships the class has fostered motivate them to keep getting together and giving each other their flowers, both in life and in death.
"The main thing is just being together. The memories are wonderful and we treat each other the same regardless of one's successes or failures in life. We really care about each other. We feel very proud to have attended SI and received a great education, love, and an understanding of the Jesuit teachings on the love of God and our fellow man."